Back it he day looking like I'm going to wet my pants
Back in the day I dated an Irish girl who would use colorful colloquialisms such as "the bee's knees" or "the dog's dinner". If your unfamiliar with theses phrases, I'll use them in a sentence for you, a sentence much like Martina would say to me back then: "That party last night was great, the bee's knees, but Charles look at you, you look like the dog's dinner, you drank so much".
So I was thinking of forming a rating system with these two phrases on either end of the spectrum when it comes to rating bicycle parts.
The problem is I need to fill in the space between the two extremes.
For instance, Conti Race Kings might be the bee's knees on hardpack and fast trails, but although there performance is lacking on real sloppy trails, I wouldn't call them the dog's dinner.
I need something of a lesser extreme.
I could just explain this in a descriptive sentence like "Although fast as hell on hardpack, when the trail is sloppy it's like last call on St. Patrick's Day", but I'd rather have a 5 phrase system to cover the bases of product rating.
Any clever verse will be gladly plagiarized for my own entertainment, with no credit what so ever to the author.
So what do ya got?